Buddies, as I pen this missive from the Jalopnik World-wide Headquarters in midtown Manhattan, I am disappointed. For times now, the subway station exit closest to our office environment has been overrun by swarms of robed youths — they are graduating from college or university, or high college, or some other academic pursuit. I know this is a momentous occasion for them, a coming-of-age rite that indicators the stop of childhood and the initially action into the much larger, serious earth, but I also have to have them to you should for the like of god get the fuck out of my way.
The complete sidewalk is just a mass of robes, diplomas, and the oldest kin you’ve at any time found, all doddering their way around with seemingly no way, location, or deadline. I just want to exit the subway, grab some lunch, and get to the business office, but instead I have to slink and dodge my way as a result of graduates and nonagenarians like the world’s worst spherical of Subway Surfers. So, with that annoyance in thoughts, nowadays we’re on the lookout at cars that will attract attention and get persons to move—in other words, we’re seeking at the Dopest Cars.